Relationships

Relationships with chronic illnesses especially ones that cause pain are fucking hard.

(Least in my opinion)

Friends tend to fall by the way side for the most part. Their busy “normal” lives seem as alien to you as your pain filled life does to them I guess.

If, like myself, you are unable to work, somedays can get very lonely. Suddenly a chat with the butcher about the weather, meeting someone on a dog walk, the checkout person in Tesco almost seems like a proper conversation.

Nights out become so much hard work that you are lucky to get out 3-4 times a year (at least that’s me) and afterwards it can take 2 days to get over it and that’s without even drinking alcohol. If I do drink it will be for 3 days or so.

Family members can be tricky too. I’m lucky in that my family are so supportive and caring but that in too can be kinda hard because I hold back a little for fear of worrying them not wanting to add to the constant level of worry I know they hold on to since I first got ill at twelve.

It can of course be hard for husbands/partners too as you can no longer do the things you used to, every little outing becomes a trek. It changes you, how can it not?

Anyone who hurts/injures themselves and is in pain for a week or so is crabby and fed up. Now imagine being in your twenties or thirties or younger and that is your life, 24-7 for the rest of your life.

You’d be crabby from time to time too.

I recently said to a friend who also suffers with her health and pain issues when people get older they expect a certain level of pain with age but they look back on their youth, their memories about what they have done but we don’t get that. That was kind of robbed from us.

I am married and have such a supportive husband who works so hard to keep a roof over our heads so I don’t have to work because I am not able to.

When we met I had Crohns Disease and the occasional migraine, now twelve years later I have fibromyalgia and a constant migraine as well as Crohn’s Disease.

I wonder does he miss me sometimes.

I miss me, miss who I was.

Yes there was always a need to plan out things because of my health but not like now.

We’re thirty nine child free and should be traveling etc but it’s not how it is unfortunately.

But life is what you make it. You gotta take the good days where they come.

Sitting on the couch with the hubby and our little doggo watching Star Trek or Rick and Morty is my favourite place to be.

Kayt November 17