Its been a while....

 Woaps its been a while since I updated this thing! 

Well were still all under the covid shower not so patiently waiting on vaccines to arrive.

Personally this year has been so so for my medical wise, nothing major but still seems never ending some days.

At the end of last year I had to have more rare disease blood tests and immediately afterwards CAT scans of my chest and my kidney area. Unfortunately I have SHIT veins, really shit veins. They finally got the blood out with a butterfly needle (the smallest one they hate using lol) and off I went to have the scans. Unfortunately, again, Id not realized foolishly I'd need contrast for the chest scan and so they started trying to find a vein. Id been told to fast and started to get a little light headed (masks do not help in these instances) as they dug about in my arm trying unsuccessfully to find a vein and I had to lay down. Anyone who has spent anytime in hospital or worked in them knows there is always the magic vein getting person somewhere in the hospital so she was called and thankfully got the vein. By this stage I was stressed and emotional and when they helped me on the bed that goes into the machine, as I cant lift my stroke affect leg easily, I could feel the emotions bubbling but I was doing ok until when they put my arms over my head the fecking vein canula bent and refused to work. As they worked on fixing it I started to cry quietly and got very embarrassed so was trying to hide it. I have to say the staff in the imaging section in Blanchardstown hospital are amazing. They saw I was upset and took the time to talk to me. It was the first time I'd had this scan since the stroke and laying there while people worked at getting my body to not freak out was really giving me flashbacks to that night. Unlike this scan at all of those I was ignored by the team in the Mater. I couldn't really speak, I couldn't move, I was scared and no one spoke to me. Maybe they were all too busy as it was all so close to the wire but its one thing that comes to me frequently about that night. That isolation and fear. The staff in blanch where so kind and understanding. The vein finally stopped being a git and the scans were all over quickly. The imaging area of the hospital is down the corridor that also leads from the lift to the stroke ward to the physio gym. Its hard walking down it, especially alone as I have to be with covid. All the memories of being wheeled, walking with my walker and the day I walked down to meet my parents with my stick to surprise them flood into my head and its overwhelming.

In February I was told by my urology team that I still have a stone in my kidney as well as in my bladder and more worryingly my kidney has shriveled up. When he told me this he didn't really have any reason as to why saying maybe it was something I have always had. However after getting of the phone (all appointments are phone these days) I remembered seeing an x-ray before all the procedures and the urologist was careful to point out both kidneys were the same bar the huge stone in the now shriveled one. On a later call to my stroke dr he mentioned that it could have been from the procedures as there were more than usual because of the size and hardness of the stone. I'm still waiting to hear back from the kidney people as I'm still having pain but don't want surgery so am hoping I can get sound wave therapy although I'd have to come off my blood thinners for a couple of days and I will bleed more than is usual but rather that than the agony that is stents. The kidney isn't functioning as it should be but for now they are not talking about removing it thank feck!

On to the call with my stroke dr. They still have no real reason for my stroke however they noticed I have an ulcer on my aorta (that is the main and largest artery in the human body and comes directly out form the heart) for which they can find no reason, its not something they have seen before but guess it could be from all the procedures so quickly together which is worrying for future surgeries etc. Anyway they think the ulcer started collecting small clots from the procedure then a big bit broke off and BAM stroke. I've been on blood thinners since then so since 16 July 2019 and while it has healed partly the ulcer is still there. They are hoping it closes more in the next year and I am to continue having scans. And they have finally given up on the rare diseases tests as none are showing up thankfully. So as usual I'm just a bit of a medial mystery.

I have also finally as of this week begun my acquired brain injury/PTSD therapy. It has started on video calls so we shall see how it goes but I'm just glad to have started and to hopefully get the help and tools I need to better deal with my feelings and the trigger for my "moments" as I call them when they arrive.

Imagine waking up for 41 years and having the same brain, the same way of thinking, reacting and dealing with life in general then one day you wake up and someone has swapped your brain out. It takes getting used to, I'm still trying.