Days with Fibromyalgia

Everyday is completely different.

Planning for events, weddings, parties etc is damn near impossible.

The best you can do is give yourself two to three days of almost complete rest before hand and even then it’s not always enough. Sometimes all the rest in the world won’t help.

You wake up and you just know.... you feel it almost as soon as you become in anyway conscious.

Maybe it’s the pain creeping it’s way inside you leg bones, between your shoulder blades or maybe it’s the fatigue draining you like a vampire.

You haven’t even gotten up yet and you are already dreading the day. Dreading the shower and getting ready, traveling and that’s before you even begin to factor in being a person.

By that I mean talking to people, trying to listen to them and interact in a real way while inside you are in agony and repeating in your exhausted head

“when can I sit, when can I go home, will I lie and say I am fine?”

Then horror of horrors you realise they are standing staring at you waiting for a reply to some question you missed while you were busy trying to give yourself an internal pep talk.

Now what? You gotta either hope a quick nod will do or admit you didn’t hear what was asked.

Personally I feel like I have a constant cheerleader on one shoulder and a little mean maudlin bastard on the other.

Sometimes they take turns and sometimes they seem to speak simultaneously.

“You can do it, five more minutes, you’ll be ok”

“This is too hard you won’t make it, give up everyone’s looking at you”

It’s hard to be stuck between these little buggers.

You listen to one you are killing yourself trying to do things, you listen to the other you never leave the house. It’s a tightrope.

Why is it your subconscious likes to mess with you like that?

Hardly seems fair really does it?

Haven’t you enough to be dealing with?

Some days I feel strong enough to push the little mean one to the back of my mind and only hear my cheerleader.

Some days there is only silence and that’s worse, it feels like I’ve been beaten.

Like they have given up on me.

Come back!!